Conflicting emotions

Sometimes I feel as if emotions of mine conflict. They're not rational. It's frustrating... Why? Maybe i am just confused, maybe I don't know what exactly I want. I guess that's what we mean by ambivalence and turmoil. It just doesn't make sense.

Often we are faced with situations where we just don't know how to act. It's new. It's foreign. What exactly are we supposed to do? I'm going through one of those stages at the moment. It's not something someone can help you with, you have to sort it out yourself. It's not simple, or black and white, or rational, or prescriptive. It's subjective. What if the decision I make is wrong? what if the decision I make is not what I ultimately want? I just have to bear the consequences and get on with it. The pressure on my shoulders right now... Life... Ah... so many ways to go about doing things... and all of them can be right. Where's the path I want to walk down? I wish there was a walkthrough manual at times. It's scary.

Belief

You shouldn't let anyone or anything shake or lessen your belief in something. Nothing should deter you from your values. If I was to be in the way, I would move out of the way, let them continue to hold on what is important to them. Even if that means disappearing.

Won't even start

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

Complacency

I think a major pit fall in life is we become complacent and passive. We enjoy a bit of success and we keep at it, we want the comfort. We don't want to push ourselves more than we can. We should, but we don't.

Not too long ago I was satisfied with my income and uni studies. However, during the last semester, due to influence of a few studious uni friends, I began to take studies more seriously and as a result I achieved somewhat more satisfactory marks in some areas. It felt... Good.

I realized I can earn a lot more, and that I'm more than half way through uni, I'm beginning to think about what I'll do, where I'm heading and what I want in life. I need to start realizing my dreams by starting now. Earn more now. I need to fulfill my dreams and aspirations.

I have to keep pushing myself. I need to earn better marks, I need to earn more money. Push push push. Once I stop. I stand still, and in this world, that means being left behind.