My favourite player

My favourite tennis player is Nadal. He's one year older than me.. He's polite off court yet barbaric looking and downright scary when he plays. He's a gracious winner and gracious loser. He comforted Federer on his loss on the Australian Open and allowed the limelight to be stolen off him. What a nice guy... He never gives up. I love that about him. He just keeps on going... who would have thought he would win the Australian Open after a long 5 set match the day before huh? I guess I should learn a little from him. Rise up the challenge and conquer! Charge!

He's winning right now in the quaterfinals, but due to rain delays, he has to play for 3 straight days if he is to win the US Open! I hope he wins it... that would give him the career grand slam... and not federer... that's boring!

Go nadal! I have faith! Don't let the injury impede your victory! go go go!

It's a nice day

It's a nice day today, blue skies, not a single cloud in sight, it's warm, it's sunny.... there's a nice breeze. There's no more winter anymore. No more cold days or chilly winds. Even the birds are chirping. It's so comfortable in my room right now. Just reading a bit on my bed and listening to music. This is bliss. This is nice. ^^

Conflicting emotions

Sometimes I feel as if emotions of mine conflict. They're not rational. It's frustrating... Why? Maybe i am just confused, maybe I don't know what exactly I want. I guess that's what we mean by ambivalence and turmoil. It just doesn't make sense.

Often we are faced with situations where we just don't know how to act. It's new. It's foreign. What exactly are we supposed to do? I'm going through one of those stages at the moment. It's not something someone can help you with, you have to sort it out yourself. It's not simple, or black and white, or rational, or prescriptive. It's subjective. What if the decision I make is wrong? what if the decision I make is not what I ultimately want? I just have to bear the consequences and get on with it. The pressure on my shoulders right now... Life... Ah... so many ways to go about doing things... and all of them can be right. Where's the path I want to walk down? I wish there was a walkthrough manual at times. It's scary.

Belief

You shouldn't let anyone or anything shake or lessen your belief in something. Nothing should deter you from your values. If I was to be in the way, I would move out of the way, let them continue to hold on what is important to them. Even if that means disappearing.

Won't even start

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

Complacency

I think a major pit fall in life is we become complacent and passive. We enjoy a bit of success and we keep at it, we want the comfort. We don't want to push ourselves more than we can. We should, but we don't.

Not too long ago I was satisfied with my income and uni studies. However, during the last semester, due to influence of a few studious uni friends, I began to take studies more seriously and as a result I achieved somewhat more satisfactory marks in some areas. It felt... Good.

I realized I can earn a lot more, and that I'm more than half way through uni, I'm beginning to think about what I'll do, where I'm heading and what I want in life. I need to start realizing my dreams by starting now. Earn more now. I need to fulfill my dreams and aspirations.

I have to keep pushing myself. I need to earn better marks, I need to earn more money. Push push push. Once I stop. I stand still, and in this world, that means being left behind.

Climb

There's an indoor rock climbing gym that my friend and I regularly visit. Regularly is an exaggeration perhaps, occasionally. It's really enjoyable, so I strongly recommend everyone to try it once at least. See what it's like.

There are many many courses inside, ranging from beginner climbs to very advanced climbs. You can further add the difficulty of your climbs by selecting certain colors of rocks to hold and step on, as well as timing yourself. Bouldering is also an option for those who like it. Recommended times to go are in the afternoon. Mornings and evenings are busy times, with many intermediate to advanced climbers, making it difficult to switch to a course without waiting and/or people watching, something that may intimidate casual climbers or beginners! Might I also mention that you need a climbing partner!



How it works: No, you don't die when you fall off. Yes, it's safe. You have one climber and one person below belaying. The role of the belayer is to catch you if you fall, not literally, but through a pulley system, they can lock the rope attached to your harness and stop you from falling, making this sport relatively safe. Firstly, climb into your harness, both the climber and belayer. there should be a rope on a pulley for each course. Attach the two D clips onto the bridge of your harness for climber, and one D clip to the bridge of the belayer's harness. They should both be secure and checked before the climb begins. You climb, up and up and up. After the climb, the climber sits back on the harness, and the belayer lowers you down slowly (or quickly). Easy.

Willpower and body strength. The two essential elements needed to conquer any climb. It is very easy to give up part way through the course. No proper grabs or holds, the foot keeps slipping, or your body aching and screaming at you to stop before it gives up. To conquer a climb or a course, is to conquer yourself. Literally.

Many a times have my body nearly given way from multiple climbs, telling me to stop and give up. My will to continue and perservere has pulled me through many times through tricky sections. To attempt that reach, to do a small hop, to keep going, to scramble to the next one. Every single, every single time I am able to make it through a section, I am amazed at myself. It feels as if it's purely my will that got me there, pushing my muscles to perform in an impossible state.


There are a few times where I have given up. My will or my body wasn't strong enough to complete the climb, and to be honest, it feels more bad than good than to let go and tell your partner that's it. It's disappointing. After all, you start a climb thinking you can, and if you can't, that's just really, a failure. How you take this failure varies from individual to individual. Some become negatively affected, "I can't do this climb...", "rock climbing isn't my thing". Some use this as a motivation to improve. I wouldn't say I'm purely of the latter, but I do make a mental note of it and try it again another time or later.

How high you can climb depends entirely on your comfort level, and where you strive to finish. Nobody can dictate how far you can or cannot go. I've realized sometimes some goals are unrealistic on my own part. As a result, I had to change my goal during the climb at times. "Pass this section", "reach for one more". It's really like life. You never know how ready you are to achieve your goals unless you're trying. Don't give up, alter your goals so they're achievable. Don't lower it so it's easy though. Those who aim at nothing are sure to hit. Push yourself. Goals should motivate you, help you better yourself and make you feel good. Not just purely make you feel good.

The harnesses are really safe. Rock climbing is safe. Why do people become afraid? I was thinking about this over and over again whilst commencing this blog and I've come to one conclusion. They're afraid to fall. Trust issue with the belayer? Maybe. Safety issue, not wanting injury? Possibly. I am not immune to this. It is scary up there I admit. However, I would say, for me, it's the fear of letting go. During a particular climb recently I realized I was actually afraid of slipping off due to lack of strength. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to keep on going. I was afraid of failing. The fear of not realizing your goals or dreams, or to give up half way. To admit defeat. That's my main reason for fearing. Most people fear of losing or giving up. That's understandable and normal. However failing is not the end. Like the harness and the belay, if you slip, it's there to catch you. Catch your breath, keep going, or give up. There are always second chances. Not great, but at least you dont' fall all the way down.

There is one particular moment that you allow yourself willingly, volunatarily to be vulnerable. At the end of the climb. You simply let go, sit back on the harness and let the belayer lower you down. Trust does help here.

Trust. Hmm. Many a times will your climbing partner or you assist one another (hopefully anyway!). There are times where you are so absorbed in your own tasks you cannot see particular holds that he or she below may be able to see. Guide them, or be guided. It helps, it's easier. People are there to guide you in life, whether you take the advice or not is entirely up to you. Is it plausible for you? Is it suited for you? Only you may know. He or she cannot make you grab it, you must reach for it if you think it's a reasonable suggestion. Too far out of reach? Tell them. Everyone is different. As much as the person below tries to help, the only one that can continue to climb your own course is you. You are in control.

Self improvement? All to easy here. What you couldn't do before, try it this time. Was your body too weak? Exercise and condition your body. Pass this section, now pass that section of the climb. Couldn't climb it fast last time? Improve your time. A million goals can be made, there are so many ways you can improve if you so desire. As I mentioned. How far up you climb, how many you climb, depends entirely on the individual.

A myriad of emotions and lessons learned. The willpower to push you on. The determination to succeed. The fear of defeat. The fear of giving up. Setting your own goals. To guide. To be guided. To reach. To improve. Rock climbing is enjoyable. It's a great sport, but it really helps me to get focused again. It really does have a lot to teach. One at a time, one hold by one hold, one reach for one reach. We slowly go up. A japanese manga said once to me: to be great at something, we must fall, for we can easily give up climbing, whereas if we fell into it, we are unable to stop, despite its hardships and challenges. Makes sense doesn't it? I think to climb is better. It's hard. You learn.

Hitting the top. Achieving what we set out. Pure ecstacy. Pure... satisfaction.